Image: JimShop of Horrors
By Lily Mulholland
Carly looked down at the shopping list, wondering why John was always so goddamned specific.
RAW SUGAR
FREE RANGE EGGS x 12
SKIM MILK x 2
BIRDS-EYE CHILLI x 1
And on it went. Why couldn’t he just write ‘sugar’? Eggs? Milk? Red chilli? She wasn’t stupid, but he was treating her like a child.
‘I’m pregnant, not broken, you moron!’
‘Beg your pardon?’ asked a man behind her.
Carly wheeled, her cheeks scalding. ‘Oh! Sorry, nothing. I was talking to myself.’
She pushed the trolley viciously, determined to finish the shopping and get home. John was always bugging her to keep exercising. For the sake of the baby. But tonight he could lug in the bags; she was stuffed.
‘And tell me again why I’m the one doing the shopping? Eight and a half months pregnant? Doesn’t he have LEGS?’
Crushing the list, she tossed it behind a row of tinned peas and turned her trolley around. She pushed it toward aisle nine, the one aisle she never ventured down. Lollies were forbidden by John, who had been on a health kick since she told him they were pregnant. Saliva erupted as she tossed packets of chocolate coated raisins, musk sticks and liquorice allsorts into the trolley.
‘Feed me Seymour!’
The mad cackle died in her throat as she felt it – warm fluid dribbling slowly down the insides of her legs. She was leaking. Carly looked around, panicked and froze. Then the trickle became a flood.
At least she'll get her shopping for free, right? (do they do that in Australia?) That shopping list sounds just right for a pregnancy cake too ;o) Light, frothy and just a little unfair on Carly, Lily!
ReplyDeleteSimon.
That's exactly how my shopping lists are! Poor Carly, she can't eat all those goodies now...
ReplyDeleteVery fun, Lily!
I love chocolate covered raisins!
ReplyDeleteLaughed at Carly's "feed me Seymour" moment.
So the title is brilliant, then!
Wow, clever. I wonder if John will still scold her for buying chocolate as she's delivering the baby ;)
ReplyDeleteHehe, I only know men who get this kind of shopping lists - from their women. Like, "No, honey, I didn't want cabbage, I said cauliflower."
ReplyDelete(Yes, the men I know who get those lists need them. *g*)
Ack! Poor Carly! What a way to start.
ReplyDeleteI love Little Shop of Horrors so I have to love her enthusiasm. :) Great slice of life.
I thought chocolate was a necessity when you were pregnant. Poor Carly.
ReplyDeleteLoved that she talks to herself out loud. :)
I love her rage. Ah hormones!
ReplyDeleteI talk to myself out loud, mostly when I'm shopping. I can definitely identify with Carly. The hormonal-anger thing was perfect.
ReplyDeleteYou made me smile.
Oh, well done *applauds*
ReplyDeleteI talk to myself when shopping, too. And the poor girl...!
Chocolate is always a necessity.
ReplyDeleteI was always afraid of that happening to me in a public place. So much said in such a little space. Well done!
ReplyDeleteIf I was her I'd eat as much chocolate as I could on the hospital.
ReplyDeleteYour story was a giggle and a grin. Refreshing!
Gotta love control-freak shopping lists. The trip down the forbidden aisle is doubly comical given the way it comes to an end.
ReplyDeleteThis made me smile.
ReplyDeleteChocolate is a food group, isn't it? Like protein?
Loved the story. Well done.
Very nice! I always appreciate a story that makes me laugh :)
ReplyDeleteGood story. As soon as she gets on to the hospital, it looks like there's a clean up in aisle 9. Loved the Little Shop of Horrors line (and the title, of course!). Well done!
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