Friday, April 16, 2010

#fridayflash: No way out

(Image: Nevit)
By Lily Mulholland

It winds down upon itself, doubling back, coiling and uncoiling, seeking out an alternative path, all the while descending relentlessly. Probing, searching for light in the oppressive dark like a subterranean engineer, it tests the circuit, ensuring the current holds strong. Turning back is impossible; on it drives unremittingly, its destination preordained. The pressure builds until it becomes unbearable, like molten flow behind a magma plug. Up and up the needle of the gauge rises into the red. The tipping point is reached and the words surge up his throat, perching, pausing momentarily on the precipice of his tongue. He can hold them back no longer; the lie must be lived.

‘I love you too.’

12 comments:

  1. Interesting. Nice twist at the end.

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  2. The power, the surge and the potential destructiveness of human speech. You want to say it. You know you can't. You mustn't. The pressure's too great to resist. There said it. Instantly regretting it.

    Beautifully crafted.

    marc nash

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  3. Short but well put. The great build and then the one simple line that ties it together.

    Nice.

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  4. And the lesson is... never, ever, ever be the one to say "I love you" first!

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  5. Your description had me wondering what was going to happen. I imagined an underground serpent of some sort. I guess I was close. Very well done.

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  6. I think you described it brilliantly - the 'surge up his throat' is awesome. It kind of boils there. :)

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  7. Laurita has it: serpentine words! Keenly observed Lily. Lots of artful and deftly directed tension here in such a short space.
    Simon.

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  8. It totally is like that. So very hard to say but there's this, and it was written beautifully.

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  9. But with practice it comes much more easily. Not that I have personal experience....

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  10. Very nice. It is quite serpentine. Lovely piece.

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  11. Well written. This was a complete story in so few words. Well done!

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  12. Excellent & Fun - I was thinking he would soon throw up - I guess he did. Very clever!

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