Friday, October 2, 2009

#fridayflash: A Reservoir Dog

- Why am I Mr Yellow?

- Because you’re a faggot! All right?

- Why can’t we pick our own colours?

- No way. Tried it once. It doesn’t work. You get four guys all fightin’ over who gets to be Mr. Black.

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- I just don’t think we’re gettin’ our cut, all right?

- But we’re not the lead act. We’re just the support.

- So you think I’m getting a big head then, do you?

- Nah, I just think you should realise that this isn’t about you.

- Yeah, but you’re gettin’ your own show. Bet you’ll get paid a lot more now.

- Well you need to pitch your ideas for your own show – that’s what I did. I’ve been working my backside off, brown-nosing Mr Blue for years.

- I don’t think he’d go for it. Mr Blue’s got it in for me.

- Well try Mr Purple. You know he’s got Mr Blue’s ear.

- Mr Purple? He’s a lightweight, always smoking ‘herbal’ cigarettes. Maybe I could have a go with Mr Red. He’s kinda goofy. Might be more prepared to listen to me.

- Well just don’t come over all aggressive. You’re a bit like a dog with a bone sometimes, you know.

- I know, I just can’t shake this off. I feel like we’re being stiffed. You know what I saw the other day? Our faces – yours, mine, Henry’s and Dorothy’s – on toddler wipes. Toddler wipes I tell you! That’s what the skivs think of us. They think we’re shit – literally!

- Well that’s what you signed up for when you got the contract.

- Sure, but –

- Hey Henry, you happy with your gig?

- Bahreebop Wags! Bahreebop Cap’n. What’s going on? I thought we were supposed to be rehearsing.

- Old Wagsy here reckons the fab four are scrooging him

– Dude you’ve gottta chill out. You get plenty of bones and there’s plenty of bitches in the crowd. I gotta tell you, I’ve got my eight hands full with those yummy mummies backstage every afternoon! Maybe you should get Dorothy to make you a cup of rosy tea – that’ll help settle you down.

- Henry, you’re such a fag. I’m outta here. You pussies can keep kissing those Wiggles’ butts, but I’m gone. Ciao ciao fellas.

Before Wags can get any further, Captain Feathersword unsheathes his blade.

- Have you lost your fuckin’ mind? I’m not gonna let you make a terrible mistake.

Wags, sensing a challenge, turns around and bares his teeth. Henry tries to intervene.

- Come on, guys. Nobody wants this.

Wags snarls at Henry. Henry starts to fidget and his trademark giggle consumes him. Wags advances on Captain Feathersword, who turns his sword on himself and attempts hara-kiri. He doesn’t get far; his sword is a fuchsia feather.

Dorothy, who has been watching from behind the scrim, rolls her eyes and worries for the future.

‘We’re supposed to be fuckin’ professionals.’

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With apologies to Quentin Tarantino. The dialogue in italics is from the Reservoir Dogs script. The rest is mine :)

23 comments:

  1. I think Dorothy has good cause to worry, if her future is tied to those three. :) Thanks for the giggle!

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  2. Oh, I laughed and enjoyed this very much. I don't know if Quentin will be happy. Jealous, yes...

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  3. I fucking loved this. I am a BIG QT fan and the fact that you blended it with The Wiggles scares, shocks, and makes me laugh my ass off. /FAVORITE

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  4. Haha, I haven't heard of the Wiggles, but got a laugh out this anyhow :)

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  5. Love this dialogue! I like your humor. ;)

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  6. dialogue done well is sooo difficult..yours is flawless..

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  7. The idea of substituting childrens entertainers for gangsters sheds a new and interesting light on both factions. Cool idea!

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  8. I haven't seen The Wiggles either, but this reminded me a little bit of Death to Smoochy. :-) Nice work!

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  9. They are both extreme concept but I never thought of them them together before.

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  10. I just watched Reservoir Dogs in HD this week so your post comes at just the right time for me. You put a smile on my face after a hard week so thanks for that. Great example of using opposites to create something fun and inventive.

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  11. Fantastic dialogue. This was much more entertaining than the regular Wiggles.

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  12. Makes me wish I had seen Reservoir Dogs. I'm afraid the missing cultural reference left much of this lost on me. I need to get out more.
    ~jon

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  13. I didn't really get it, I guess because I don't like QT and never saw "Reservoir dogs." Sorry, but I'm sure if I was more familiar with what it was parodying I would have loved it. :)

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  14. It clicked halfway through - can't stand the Wiggles :-) (my 3 yr old daughter on the other hand loves them.) Thought it was cleverly done. Well done.

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  15. Thanks everyone. For those of you who haven't seen Reservoir Dogs - you really should. You might not like it, but it's a cultural icon of our times! As for the Wiggles, well, if you have small kids, they're a godsend, if a little annoying because they're so goddamned happy all the time!

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  16. I thank all that is holy that my daughters are too old for the friggin Wiggles now. So many a night I would dream of killing them all. You did Reservoir Dogs justice.
    ~chris

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  17. Brilliant! Love the way you wove around QT's script. Left me with a nice broad smile... Peace, Linda

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  18. Heh. I'm still giggling. What a fabulous idea. I never would have thought of QT and the Wiggles in the same universe, let alone a flash!

    Great job :)

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  19. You are one of the bravest writers I know! Hehe...the fuchsia feather killed me! Great, great, great. :-)

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  20. Great, great dialogue. "Feathersword"? And then it turned out to be true!

    A very funny piece, well done.

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  21. I am unfamiliar with the Wiggles, but funnily enough thought the characters were going to turn out to be labrador puppies.
    Which may sound odd, but here in the UK we have the Andrex Puppy http://www.andrexpuppy.co.uk/ and the baby wipe reference pushed me in that direction!
    so it almost worked, in that sense! I did like the way you peppered your script with the Tarantino lines

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  22. Very fun, Lily! that was charming and I love the concept as an exercise! Will have to try one with that jumping off point! -K

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I love reading comments so please do leave one! I would also appreciate your constructive criticism - life is a learning journey and I'm enjoying learning a lot about my writing.