By Lily Mulholland
She thinks if she stares long enough at the sea she might just disappear. Beautiful once, the tides of loss have hollowed her skin with the painstaking care of a taxidermist. Grief’s handmaiden, she’s been taken apart like an Escher drawing, pieces drifting just beyond reach. Though the tears have run dry, she can taste the salt on her lips; he is gone but love's pain lingers. She stares at the sea, hoping she might just disappear.
~~~~~~
For Kate.
Well done.
ReplyDeleteShort. Simple. Touching.
Jim
Very sad, full of emotion. Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI hope you mean what you say about constructive criticism.
ReplyDeleteI'd expand that "she's" into "she has". In my head the contraction didn't go with the tone of the voice in my head. There's an un-contracted "he is".
But I have a lot of voices in my head, so I do get confused.
The first and last line contradict each other, and I wrestled over whether that was your intention.
eg first line she "thinks if", ie that is her belief. Last line "hoping she might" and now she isn't so sure. Half of me wants to accept that she is gradually losing hope, half of me is a victim to patterns and wants the last line to reiterate the first line.
Anyway! Sweet piece. I really like it.
A beautiful, touching piece.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to be brave and hopeful like Anton. This character is a very mixed metaphor. She's a hollowed dead animal, a handmaiden, a deconstructed drawing, and driftwood, all in two sentences. For me the truly poignant moment is the salt which might be sea or might be tears but tastes like loss. She's closer to being absorbed than she thinks. That taste is metaphor enough for me and very much worth the reading. Thank you most sincerely, Lily.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written!
ReplyDeleteI know everyone's using this word, but there simply isn't a better one. Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteThe salt on her lips is a nice touch, connects her to the sea. Agree with the others, beautiful is the perfect word for this piece. It goes well with grief.
ReplyDeleteLovely. Great choice of picture as well, its colours added wonderfully to the whole thing - can't beat a bit of synaesthesia :-)
ReplyDeleteLove the Escher drawing reference
Thank, thank you everyone for your comments. This piece had to come out. I am glad its layering and ambiguity came across strongly. I wanted there to be equal parts of despair and hope so I think that worked. All comments and critiques are very much appreciated.
ReplyDeleteLily
I like the piece. I like its ambiguity. It's not as simple as it seems. Emotional states can be very complicated.
ReplyDeleteIsolation and invisibilty mesh together to make us feel erasable in this world. Your work is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI like the salt references. I think they work especially well. I wonder who takes apart Escher drawings though?
ReplyDeleteI'm going back to being invisible now.
Quite poetic and beautiful. Well done!
ReplyDeleteSadly beautiful! The Escher drawing made images pop for me-all the strange perspectives & many pieces. Very lovely! And, the photo really added a lot to the feeling.
ReplyDeleteThat's a 6S in the making! I've noticed you left it one line short, so I'm assuming you're leaving it up to us to fill in the last line. How about something like: "She tests the water with her toe."
ReplyDeleteThis immediately took me back to my first love Lily. Wondeful work!
ReplyDeleteDeeply touching, Lily. Escher - the interminable trudge between higher and lower ground, or between planes - and then to find once more that one is back at the beginning. That's keenly observed. And that you've dedicated this to Kate. Whoever she is she has an empathic Lily. Did you see David Master's piece this week? I think it would speak to you.
ReplyDeleteLovely - I really enjoyed this.
Simon.
Who, at one time or another, hasn't wanted to disappear? Life can be difficult at times. I, too, love the ambiguity of this piece and it leaves the reader wondering. well done.
ReplyDeleteThe Phoenicians used to flood plains with sea water and let it dry so only the salt remained.
ReplyDeleteHer tears have dried up and she is empty, the salt being the physical essence of love's lingering pain.
So haunting. Well done.
This is beautiful, and I love the complexity you've represented grief and loss to be.
ReplyDeleteSnap! The beautiful, melancholy ocean: http://truantpen.blogspot.com/2010/03/bottled-tears.html
ReplyDeleteIntriguing. A thoughtful sentiment for "Kate".
ReplyDeleteI can never get enough of the melancholy sea, and how it calls us in these ways. Enjoyed, thank you.
ReplyDelete