Friday, December 18, 2009

#fridayflash: Frozen

This is a reworked version of the first piece of fiction I wrote this year.

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Frozen
By Lily Mulholland

Jo froze on the inside as the target emerged from the train and walked past the newsstand where she was waiting. She sucked in her breath and regained her composure. Sliding her hand inside her coat pocket, she found the paper-wrapped gum she kept for moments like these. She unwrapped it with one hand and slowly moved the stick up into her mouth. It used to be cigarettes she used to give her a reason to loiter, but since the cancer scare she'd given them up. Jo started chewing and made her move.

The target was walking quickly. If he was checking for a tail, Jo couldn't spot it. That meant one of two things: either he was unaware of her presence, or he was on the grid. A fellow spook. Shit. That would make this morning's work all the more difficult. She knew there couldn't be any cock-ups today. Spartan was counting on her.

Jo was maintaining a good distance from the black-coated man, while at the same time making it look like she wasn't in a hurry. A tricky balancing act, but one she was confident she'd mastered over the past five years. She was just about to contact Control when her target stopped dead and spun around. He peeled off his glasses and his eyes threw down a challenge as she faltered.

'Hello Josephine.'

14 comments:

  1. Nice tension! And you left me on the cliff with his 'Hello Josephine'. Wah! I want more...

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  2. Good build up. It was an excellent read. Hopefully there's more to come?

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  3. Oh! That was great. Nice build-up of tension, but now I want more. :)

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  4. Aw, man. How can you cliffhang us like that? Continue on with this story, please.

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  5. More, more, more please! I'm so tense I'm shaking.

    Love the picture.

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  6. Very good build-up. So what happens next? Peace, Linda

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  7. Lily! Don't leave us hanging like that - more please! There is fantastic anxiety here. I hope you'll post the next installment next week.

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  8. Sorry to sound like an echo, but MORE PLEASE!
    Very tense piece!

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  9. I wonder if the guy has just dropped an information bomb (eg a line to throw her) or he does in fact reconise her.

    More please!

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  10. Wow . . . nice tension builder . . . can't wait to see what happens next!

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  11. Oh, yikes! I'm definitely feeling the tension on this one. I'm with everyone else -- what's next?

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  12. Oooh, I like this. I've come back from ep 3 to read through them all.

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  13. Very exciting first episode with a tense cliffhanger - time to read the next chapter now...

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  14. Well written, intriguing. Looking forward to the next installment, Lily!

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I love reading comments so please do leave one! I would also appreciate your constructive criticism - life is a learning journey and I'm enjoying learning a lot about my writing.